Somalian Wedding Crashers

So im talking to my dad, and he starts talking about marriage customs that silly somalians follow. Now if you know me, you know that im not the best representative of the Somalian community; I probably wouldn't win too many popularity contests. Having said that, I can admit when the Somalian people do good. But, just as well, I can also admit when they do something downright stupid. The customs surrounding somalian marriages are some of the dumbest i've yet to hear.

Let's say you wanted to get married. You're a guy, in your mid-20's and you just got out of college. You got the whole 'chasing girls' thing out of your system (mostly) and are ready to settle down and get married. You meet a girl, you fall in love (aka emotionally attached), and then you get married. Right? .... well, yeah. But if you're Somalian, you better have some money saved up, because in the months leading up to the wedding, you will be bled broke by all the different traditions and gatherings that are involved with getting married. In each of these "gatherings", there will be countless guests that will be attending. Now, most of these guests are part of your extended family network; they're not related by blood, but rather by belonging to the same clan. Africa in general, and Somalia specifically, revolve around tribes. So to each one of the guests that come to the gathering, the groom (that would be you) will have to pay up something, with the amount that each guest receives reflecting the member's stature within the tribe; the closer you are to the guest, the more you receive from him.

You might think that this is nothing but a harmless tradition that many nomadic Somalians would like to maintain. But just recently, as my dad told me, a guy that was just getting ready to wed spent over $2,000 american dollars on guests alone. That is before the actual wedding, before the ring he is to purchase for his wife, and before the honeymoon he is supposed to finance. Not to mention the house and car he is expected to have. Now, keep in mind we are talking about Somalia.... one of the POOREST COUNTRIES IN THE FUCKING WORLD!!

You mean to tell me that having their government in order or even having a government is less important than showing off to some of your family members? I mean, that is pretty artificial, especially for a broke ass country.

But with anything, there is always a bright side. So this had me thinking, couldn't a guy fake his way to all of these gatherings and receive the cash hand outs that the groom is forced to give through this shitty system? I mean, think about it, couldn't there be a "somalian wedding crasher"? It's just like a regular wedding crasher (like in the movie with the same name), but you replace the sex with the money. It's pretty much the same thing. There is an opportunity, why not take advantage of it.

I for one will be sure to RSVP the next invitation I receive. If only I hadn't burned so many bridges with the Somalian community. Damn It!