Somalian Wedding Crashers

So im talking to my dad, and he starts talking about marriage customs that silly somalians follow. Now if you know me, you know that im not the best representative of the Somalian community; I probably wouldn't win too many popularity contests. Having said that, I can admit when the Somalian people do good. But, just as well, I can also admit when they do something downright stupid. The customs surrounding somalian marriages are some of the dumbest i've yet to hear.

Let's say you wanted to get married. You're a guy, in your mid-20's and you just got out of college. You got the whole 'chasing girls' thing out of your system (mostly) and are ready to settle down and get married. You meet a girl, you fall in love (aka emotionally attached), and then you get married. Right? .... well, yeah. But if you're Somalian, you better have some money saved up, because in the months leading up to the wedding, you will be bled broke by all the different traditions and gatherings that are involved with getting married. In each of these "gatherings", there will be countless guests that will be attending. Now, most of these guests are part of your extended family network; they're not related by blood, but rather by belonging to the same clan. Africa in general, and Somalia specifically, revolve around tribes. So to each one of the guests that come to the gathering, the groom (that would be you) will have to pay up something, with the amount that each guest receives reflecting the member's stature within the tribe; the closer you are to the guest, the more you receive from him.

You might think that this is nothing but a harmless tradition that many nomadic Somalians would like to maintain. But just recently, as my dad told me, a guy that was just getting ready to wed spent over $2,000 american dollars on guests alone. That is before the actual wedding, before the ring he is to purchase for his wife, and before the honeymoon he is supposed to finance. Not to mention the house and car he is expected to have. Now, keep in mind we are talking about Somalia.... one of the POOREST COUNTRIES IN THE FUCKING WORLD!!

You mean to tell me that having their government in order or even having a government is less important than showing off to some of your family members? I mean, that is pretty artificial, especially for a broke ass country.

But with anything, there is always a bright side. So this had me thinking, couldn't a guy fake his way to all of these gatherings and receive the cash hand outs that the groom is forced to give through this shitty system? I mean, think about it, couldn't there be a "somalian wedding crasher"? It's just like a regular wedding crasher (like in the movie with the same name), but you replace the sex with the money. It's pretty much the same thing. There is an opportunity, why not take advantage of it.

I for one will be sure to RSVP the next invitation I receive. If only I hadn't burned so many bridges with the Somalian community. Damn It!

Standing Ovations

I hate standing ovations! It's one of the few instances that you can offend by doing nothing. It takes just one person to stand up and applaud something, and before you know it, everybody around you is doing the same. All of a sudden, you have a decision to make. Either fall in line and get up, or look like an ass to everyone for just sitting down. I say we make impromptu standing ovations illegal. Just like there are "no smoking" signs posted outside businesses and venues, there should be "no impromptu standing ovations" signs. I can picture it already; two silhouettes gesturing an applause with a black line drawn across it. That would be great! I think you should be the first to sign my petition to make this into a law.

How hot is it right now?

why do people who are experiencing the weather need someone to quantify it for them in order to figure out if they are indeed cold or warm? for example, it can be warm outside, but nobody will say anything until they see on the news that it's 90 degrees. then everybody is like "man, it's hot!!".... as if it weren't before. i guess that's pulling an "eileen".

Circumstantial Friends

Having all-purpose friends (the way friends are used under the current corrupt system) is a pretty crappy idea. it's not practical and it's archaic. i got a better plan. it'd be cool if friends were like independent contractors. that way, you have 'specialized' friends that you only hang out with during certain events. wanna go to the club and do some not-so-wholesome things in the dark? you can call your "party friends". wanna go bowling? call your bowling friends. everybody has a purpose, and this way, friends are used to their maximum potential. i think i should market that. "circumstantial friends".... because it all depends!

No Regrets?

What's wrong with regrets? Why do people always say "yeah, i don't have any regrets.... things that happened, decisions that I've made, good or bad, made me who I am today... blah, blah, blah". I think it's mostly pride talking, because I don't have a problem acknowledging a mistake. Maybe the word "regret" carries some baggage that im not aware of. As if it is a personal affront to someone to suggest that their life is filled with regrets. Now, you can't live your life thinking "what if", but every now and then it wouldn't hurt to hear someone say "yeah, i probably shouldn't have done that".

Not having regrets seems to be a rather recent trend, because I don't remember people acting like this when I was growing up. People from all walks of life do this. It doesn't matter if they're rich or poor, male or female, old or young, etc. They will inevitably conclude their insignificant story by emphasizing how they don't regret anything, which to me means they didn't learn a damn thing either. But then again, maybe it's just me.

Leave it to cleavage!

This is going to come out as totally random, but where did all the cleavage come from? I mean, my god! I have never so many girls with their cleavages showing. Every other pizza i've delivered this weekend, i've encountered this. Not that i'm complaining or anything, but it was a bit much after a while. The funny thing is, all these female customers were the same i've delivered to before, and at no previous time have they worn so little up top. Maybe it's because the weather is starting to warm up here in Athens, GA.

Speaking of cleavages, is it just me, or is looking at a girl's cleavage as unavoidable as, say, looking at an oncoming fire truck. You know what it is, you know that it is, yet for some reason, you have to take a peek. You hear the siren- that loud, obnoxious sound that everyone knows corresponds to a fire truck en route to a distress call- but your eyes need the satisfaction of actually acknowledging it with a gaze. That is exactly what looking at a cleavage is like. There's almost nothing sexual about it... most of the time. It can be the ugliest girl in the world, according to you, and you will still take a peek. The girl could've embarassed you in front of everybody with some clever parable about the importance of child safety (what?... where did that come from) and yet, if the opportunity presented itself, you'd still take a peek. There's no circumstance that I can think of that could prevent this from happening.

I think I should do an experiment to prove this. I don't even know what the experiment should be, but when I do, ill be sure to act on it.